I haven’t taken Ryan out in public much anyway… basically because I feel like I don’t know how! His car seat is ridiculously heavy for me to carry around, he cries when I put him in a carrier (and I have tried them all – a pouch, 2 wraps, a ring sling and a baby bjorn), and if I put his car seat in a shopping cart (if the store actually has them), I’m worried he’ll just cry the whole time.
I’m getting better though… I took him to Borders yesterday because I’ve been meaning to buy The Vaccine Book by Dr. Sears for 2 weeks now. I just carried his car seat in and set it down while I was looking for the book. I also ended up getting The Essential C-Section Guide. Ryan was a perfect angel the whole time… maybe because I fed him in the parking lot in the back seat of the car before we went in, haha.
Any other times I go out with him, I bring a pumped bottle.
Last night I went out to dinner with some family and I purposely left the bottle at home. I decided I was going to force myself to do this! I fed him right before we left so we were actually able to eat in peace – Ryan did awesome. Near the end of the night, he was getting fussy and I knew he had to eat.
I wore my Bravado nursing bra and my Undercover Mama tank had planned on bringing my wonderful Lady LaDuke feeding frock and just feeding Ryan at the table… but of course I forgot the frock at home 
So… I chickened out and I brought Ryan into the restroom to feed him. That’s still nursing in public, right?! Kind of, lol. Anyway, there was no where to sit so I just held him. Only one lady came in the whole time and she immediately said, “OH! Dinner time, huh?” and smiled. She continued to talk to me while she was going to the bathroom, haha, and told me about her daughter who had twins and was nursing them at the same time, but quit because it was too hard. When she came out, she asked me if I wanted her to go get a chair or something.… I said no, thank you, he’s almost done!
She was very nice and I’m really glad my first experience went well. I’m all for NIP and really want to “learn” how to do it and be comfortable with it… the nursing cover will help, but I eventually want to be able to do it without that too. It’s crazy to me that there are people out there offended by it. But I think if you’re not female or even not a mom, it’s a lot harder to understand.
Anyway… here are my questions for you pros:
Do you nurse in front of family? Even if I had brought my nursing cover, I’m not sure I would have been able to stay at the table. I really WANT to NIP, but it feels so much more awkward in front of family… like they’d all be looking at me, or weirded out, or really uncomfortable.
Which reminds me… my guy friends are way worse about it. I brought him to a friend’s once for a dinner party and fed him in the other (empty) room, but one of my (male) friends said, “You’re not going to feed him right now, are you?!” because he thought I was going to do it right in front of him. He didn’t say it rudely or anything… but I understand that it makes an awkward situation.…
Ryan is an excellent latcher and it takes him no time at all… but what do you do about those few seconds were you’re basically exposed? I figure it’ll be fine if I just hold his head right in front of me during that and unless someone was basically standing right next to me, staring, no one is going to see anything.
I want to hear some stories.. good and bad…about NIP. Want to share?
I feel your pain! I just had my second son. I never ever nursed in public with my first son. I never even nursed in my own home if someone else was over– I left the room.
With this baby, I am trying to become more comfortable with nursing. I use a nursing cover when people come over, and it works out GREAT. I nurse (under the cover) around family and friends alike.
I pack my nursing cover in my bag. My son is 3 weeks old today so to be honest, I haven’t left the house much either. But yesterday I nursed for the first time I think really in public… At sears portrait studio! And I was a little uncomfortable with it, probably because the photographer was rushing us, and I felt very rushed, which flustered me.
I have also nursed at my son’s doc appointments under the nursing cover. With my first son, the thought of doing such a thing terrified me and I never attempted it. I just pumped before I left the house EVERY TIME and brought a pumped bottle. This actually worked out okay, and I will still do this. But I do not want to feel like i HAVE to pump before I go anywhere. And I do not want to feel as if nursing my son outside my home is not an option.
I have had to have my husband help me while my son latches on when I am nursing in public, with fears I may expose myself while getting the cover fixed and getting my son settled. But with practice, and time, I am confident that I (and also you!) will feel more comfortable and be able to do it like it’s nothing!
As far as making others uncomfortable, when you are in your own home, do what you want. If you are at someone else’s home, I would make sure you are not going to make others uncomfortable. Maybe you could step out of the room while getting latched on, and then once he’s latched and you are covered with your nursing cover, you can re-join your friends.
Also, simple education on breastfeeding I think will put others at ease. Just talk about how natural it is and that you are not embarrassed by it. And assure your guy friends that you are covered and they do not have to feel weird. Sometimes just saying something and addressing the discomfort will make it more comfortable!
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WEIRD. I posted & it got all screwy. Reposting:
- Do you nurse in front of family? -
When my kids were infants, and up through young babies, yes.
In the early days I wore a nursing bra, regular tank top, and any old shirt overtop. I pull up the shirt, pull the top of the tank down, and unlatch the nursing bra. Baby latches on, and you can continue doing whatever you’re doing — eating, playing poker
, whatever. You can’t see a thing — particularly with an infant who doesn’t move around much. As they got older (closer to a year, when they start popping off to check out all distractions), I was still mostly comfortable in front of my female relatives, but less so around brothers-in-law/father-in-law; I tend to be pretty modest. In these situations, if baby is crying & there’s no where else to be — say an airport — then too bad for the discomfort, baby still gets fed, and maybe someone catches a split second of nipple, otherwise, if a bedroom was available I’d go lay down (more comfortable anyway), or I’d find a less conspicuous place or position (like at a restaurant, I’d turn my chair a bit away from the table, or sit in the entry way on a bench instead of having a kicking older baby at the table).
- Even if I had brought my nursing cover, I’m not sure I would have been able to stay at the table. I really WANT to NIP, but it feels so much more awkward in front of family… like they’d all be looking at me, or weirded out, or really uncomfortable. —
Its get better & easier with time. Trust me. You’ll learn to wear/bring the right outfit, and you’ll develop radar for finding the most comfortable nursing in public spots (like you’ll know which benches at the mall are best). I never used a nursing cover, but I did often strategically place a blanket or sweatshirt — never over baby’s face, but over my shoulder, draped down my front. The nursing covers always seemed like wearing a giant sign that said: “HEY MY BOOBS ARE OUT UNDER HERE!”
- Which reminds me… my guy friends are way worse about it. I brought him to a friend’s once for a dinner party and fed him in the other (empty) room, but one of my (male) friends said, “You’re not going to feed him right now, are you?!” because he thought I was going to do it right in front of him. He didn’t say it rudely or anything… but I understand that it makes an awkward situation….-
I understand this, though remember, the discomfort is more HIS problem than yours. You have to decide what feels best for you. You can say something like, yep, baby’s gotta eat! Make a joke about it — Hey don’t let me catch you looking me up! Lots of times, I found, as I got more efficient at nursing in public, I’d be nursing at a big family dinner and only my husband (and mother in law who nursed 4 babies) would have any idea I was nursing (not just holding the baby). You’ll get better at it, and friends will realize nursing in public really doesn’t mean “whipping it out”.
- Ryan is an excellent latcher and it takes him no time at all… but what do you do about those few seconds were you’re basically exposed? I figure it’ll be fine if I just hold his head right in front of me during that and unless someone was basically standing right next to me, staring, no one is going to see anything. —
Yep! Just get prepared ahead of the moment, and the transition goes smoothly. You can also use a little blanket for that moment, or a sling (like the maya wrap) or a sweater or whatever, just to cover for the moment you latch. But in the end, its only a moment, and you are feeding your baby, not being an exhibitionist. You’re not doing a thing wrong in the world.
- I want to hear some stories.. good and bad…about NIP. Want to share?-
Got some looks, but never a negative word. Mostly people who ever said anything to me while nursing in public were other nursing moms to say good job, or give encouragement.
The most embarrassing NIP i had was when my daughter was 7 months old, and we were moving from Maine to NJ, and I was on a really crowded flight alone with a colicky baby, completely cramped next to a businessman, and I’m nursing her for the millionth time, and he leans over & says, “good eater, eh!” That being said, I’ve really never had a negative comment from anyone. I’ve nursed in public up until 3 years when my daughter & son were tandem nursing. I didn’t nurse them both at once in public, but one after another.
Really, with time, you’ll get to be a pro. Remember, at first its okay to be feeling a little scared, or shy, or modest. And there’s nothing wrong with finding a discreet place to nurse — if that’s what makes YOU comfortable. While out shopping, particularly with my second (because I have to chase around a 2 yr old at the same time), I nursed a lot in dressing rooms. I also nursed my first in the sling, but my second was preterm, and needed a bit more encouragement & effort to get him latched on, so I really needed to be sitting or lying down.
But there’s also nothing wrong with nursing right wherever you are. Your baby has the right to eat, any anyone “offended” can look away.
You’re doing great. Baby steps. You’ll get better each time you try!
ps: I’ve never nursed in a bathroom though & I’m ordering you right now never to subject yourself to that again!
((hugs))
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Well, I can totally relate. Especially when Aizlynn and I were learning in the beginning, It felt SO weird and awkward in front of family. What’s funny is that I was able to give birth in front of “200” family members! lol. I used to run off into a room and stare at the door nervously thinking someone might barge in. It really made me tense and I know for a fact that it affected my success with bf. Aizlynn had a really bad latch and my nipples were done for! All this coupled with the fact that I felt weird NIP hindered my milk supply! Tension can really screw up the experience. Looking back, plus being a doula now, I can see where I went wrong. You’re so lucky that R has been BFing beautifully and that’s one thing less to worry about. Do what you gotta do and try not to stress the rest. Take baby steps– first with a cover up and then eventually you may get more comfortable. It might end up that you just HAVE to use your cover up for peace of mind, but maybe you’ll overcome having to run to a restroom. That’s Okay! It’s still NIP. Baby steps. You can do it.
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I think the key to nursing in public is slowly working up to what “public” means. I started nursing in my house with other people around — other people who I knew would be supportive. Next I started nursing at parks and malls and restaurants with my cover. Then I went to a very busy and active breastfeeding support group where I got used to nursing uncovered in front of (female) strangers. Eventually I got to the point where I don’t even think about it any more and will feed my 11 month old whenever and where ever he needs to be fed.
We went through a few weeks where the baby was soooo easily distracted that he spent more time looking around than actually nursing and I tried to feed him in quiet, private places as much as possible, but now he learned to focus and chow down or else NO MORE BOOB. I hated missing out on time with family and friends.
One of my best tricks for helping those around be more comfortable with breastfeeding is to act as if it’s not happening. Continue conversing with them as much as you can, make lots and lots of eye contact so they know it’s ok to still look at you, and if someone acts shocked just brush it off with a breezy “hey, everybody’s gotta eat”. Try to relax as much as you can because the more at ease you are the easier it will be for everyone else.
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I don’t have a problem nursing in front of family. However my in-laws obviously don’t like me doing it in front of them. The other day I was at my MIL house, I started breastfeeding and she went in our diaper bag got a receiving blanket and placed it over me. I wasn’t exposed, b/c I had a nursing tank under a button up shirt I was able to unbutton two buttons and feed her and still be covered…
I was extremely offended, she has a boyfriend but he was in his room watching bowling– and didn’t come out the whole time we were there. The only other people there were me, baby, my hubby, and her… And she was a breastfeeding mom for all 3 of her kids. I just didn’t understand.
On the other hand I had a similiar phobia of NIPing I am Muslim and I wear my head covered everyday when I’m away from home or in the presence of men who are not family… I couldn’t get comfortable nursing in public b/c of my values concerning modesty. After some praying and soul searching I realized that God has given me this gift and I found that empowering. During the few times I have had to nurse in public I did a good job of being confident and covering myself so that I am not exposed. Hubby helps a lot too, with helping me set up the “dinner table” for baby Ayah when we are out. I have also found that its easier to feed discreetly when I have on a nursing tank under a shirt w/ buttons.
I had to do this, b/c I hate feeding her w/ a bottle especially since I am going back to work soon and she will have a bottle all day. I also have this thing about eating in the bathroom, when I was younger I would spit out my gum b4 I went into the bathroom and would brush my teeth in the kitchen. I know thas weird… but I’ve gotten a lot better.
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Good for you for pushing yourself to try NIP. I do it with DS (12/19/09) fairly often, but it was awkward at first. To be honest, my husband was more uptight than me about offending people and wanting me to cover up. If you’re feeling uncomfortable use a cover, but honestly I find it easier to nurse without one. I just figure someone would have to really be looking hard to see my nipple in the few seconds it’s exposed. DS’s head blocks it from most angles anyway.
My step-dad seemed a bit uncomfortable at first when I nursed around him, but he’s gotten used to it too. It takes some people a little time to adjust, but the more casual you are about it yourself the more it will help others to relax. Keep at it, and keep making baby steps towards confident public nursing. You’re doing a great job!
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I wish I could give advice!
I wonder how I’ll be with this. I don’t have a huge DESIRE to nurse in public. I guess if it saves the pumped milk for when I’m away it would be better to just feed her around people, hmm. We don’t go out with other people often, usually it’s just me and hubby so I guess it’ll depend how he feels about it too. I should ask him!! I’ll ask him today!
I won’t mind feeding with a cover though… For me I think I’d feel more comfortable that way, but that’s just me
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I NIP and I nurse in front of family — the only person I try hide from is my husband’s grandfather…just because, that’s weird! Owen HATES to be covered when he’s nursing, so that was never really an option for me anyways. It made me uncomfortable at first but I’ve gotten so good at doing it quickly and making it so no one sees anything. Practice at home — there are ways to position yourself and Ryan so that everyone is comfortable.
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It took me so long to get the hang of it with my first daughter. I remember how hard it was but it got so much better with time. I was determined not to pump and bottlefeed so I basically just forced myself to do it. (Plus my milk supply was on the fragile side and I didn’t want to do anything that could compromise that.) I also never used a nursing cover. I actually think that draws more attention to the fact you are nursing. They are so huge and usually busy patterns, to me they say, “HEY LOOK, LADY NURSING OVER HERE!!!” Not that there’s anything wrong with that, just not my style.
One thing that several people advised me to do was practice at home. You can look at yourself in a mirror and check and see if there’s anything exposed. I also had my husband take a picture of me so I could see for myself that you couldn’t see anything. There may still be that split second where you could see a nip when the baby was latching on, but I just told myself like a mantra that it was not a big deal and it eventually BECAME not a big deal. I was always on board for nursing in public in theory but it took a little practice to overcome my fears and hesitations.
Going to LLL meetings helped a lot. I think you would find a lot of support and kindred spirits there.
Probably 90% of my friends nurse their babies and as I made more mommy friends it just became more “normal” to me to see other people NIP and to do it myself.
One more thing, nursing shirts – most of my friends don’t use them and I really don’t think they are necessary, I usually was just as comfortable wearing a regular shirt with a nursing tank underneath. That being said, with my second baby I wanted to splurge a little so I ordered a few from Milk Nursingwear and a few from Expressiva. I have been really happy with the quality of the items I got from Milk. Expressiva, not so much, and the package came to my house smelling like smoke?! The upside to Expressiva though is that they have shirts on ebay. I’ve never seen any Milk brand items on ebay.
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I don’t give Jack a bottle unless I have to. I’d rather save the pumped milk for daycare or for emergencies. Plus I love breastfeeding! So if I’m out for an extended period of time, I have to nurse. In the beginning, I would time errands around him. I’d leave right after feeding him and be home in time for his next feeding. The first time we were out and he needed to eat, I went into a dressing room. My first time nursing in public for real was in a mall food court about a month ago. It was a lot better than I expected but I did use a cover. Since then I’ve nursed at restaurants with no problem. I live with my dad and cover up when he’s home so Jack is very used to the cover and I think he actually likes it. I don’t think I will ever be comfortable nursing in public without the cover but I guess that could change. I have no problems using the cover though. I even visited my office and nursed while talking with my male boss! That was a bit akward but I survived! My feeling is you gotta do what you gotta do and the baby has to eat! I’d rather him get what he needs and be ok even if it means I have to be a little uncomfortable. It takes time, but you’ll get the hang of it and it’ll be like second nature to you!
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Kudos for your attempt at fully NIP! And I think going to the bathroom is still NIP, yes. Because really, you had no idea how many woman were going to be coming and going and potentially lots of ppl could have seen you nursing.
NIP can be a very stressful and awkward thing but try not to let it get to you. Thankfully Ryan is amazing latching so no problems there but still, just don’t stress over it. If you have to wear your cover up, then wear it, ya know. And maybe… eventually, one day you can do without. Just take your time and go at your own pace!
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I’m a first-time mom and nursing in public is something I had to get used to in order to preserve my sanity! My son (2 months old) won’t take a bottle, so basically I was forced to get over my fear of NIP. I now do it anywhere and everywhere (with a nursing cover of course). I don’t hesitate to nurse in front of family– basically I think that if they have a problem with it they can excuse themselves. I’m doing what’s best for my child, enough said! The more you practice the easier it gets! I do have to say that Nordstrom has the best nursing room ever!
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It takes practice. At first I would nurse Ave in the car or in the nursing room or dressing room at a store at the mall. I worked up to doing it with a cover in public. It is more weird to do it in front of friends and family ESPECIALLY men. But if you nurse around them it becomes normal and they won’t think it’s weird. I use a cover if a man is around because men are dumb (unless that man is my husband) but if I’m around all chicks I don’t cover up. You’ll get more comfortable. Hang in there!
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I was super uncomfortable about nursing in public at first, but I forced myself to act like I didn’t care, to pretend that I felt completely at ease and eventually I truly did start feeling that way.
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Oddly enough, I would feel weirder nursing in a bathroom than fully exposed in public. I have a HooterHider cover, which I love, and I haven’t had a problem with it not covering us while my daughter nurses. I initially bought it for Thanksgiving at my cousins’ house. I had never been to their home so I wasn’t sure if they would have a place for me to nurse and I didn’t feel comfortable with all of them seeing. Of course, my cousin’s wife’s grandmother is the one who asked to see “the nursing baby” and just aww’ed over her. Sweet lady.
I don’t entertain often but when I have guests over, I usually use my cover. I don’t want to be left out of the fun but my baby’s gotta eat! For close friends and family, I don’t bother with the cover. It was awkward at first but we all got over it.
A trick I’ve learned for when the cover isn’t convenient, or was forgotten, is to have an extra shirt and make sure it’s big. I wear my nursing tank under a loose shirt and when it’s time to nurse, the shirt will cover my daughter’s head. If she decides she doesn’t want her head covered, the shirt will drape over her mouth so that I’m still covered (and she can still breathe, don’t worry). For the latch, I make sure she’s covered before getting her latched. My nursing cover is puckered so I can adjust it to see what she’s doing. I’m not a fan of flashing strangers either, but if someone flashed me some boob while feeding her baby, I wouldn’t care at all!
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Practice makes perfect! The first few times you NIP you will feel a bit ackward. Breasts have always been seen as sexual and to expose them in public is a NO-NO! You may have to keep telling yourself, I am feeding my baby! This is natural.. This is what we do. I hated going to the restroom to feed my daughter. I did it a few times because it seemed like he most comfortable thing to do, but just sitting there nursing and listening to other’s bodily functions just grossed me out, so I decided to practice at home a lot until I was comfortable cause my daughter could care less who was looking while she ate! LOL When is it ever ok to ask someone to eat their meal in the restroom!
While at home, I tried to sit near or in front of a mirror nursing. I checked out my image in the mirror and I couldn’t see anything. Great! Then, i would ask Da Hubby to check out my technique (didn’t use any special holds– usually the cradle or football hold) and he would always say he couldn’t see anything. I NEVER used a nursing cover. To me, they bring more attention than just nursing itself. I mean, think about it, a woman is sitting at a restaurant table with a cover over her.. hmm?? I wonder what she’s doing under there!? Or watching a hubby try to help his wife cover up with a nursing cover or sheet just seems to jump up and down and scream, “Hey! Attention! Attention! Look over here!! We’re ’bout to breastfeed!!“
My first NIP experience was at a La Leche League meeting. Although, I was among ‘friends’, I was nervous not only because I was NIPing, but also because I was a newbie and didn’t want to appear as if I had no idea what I was doing, although I really didn’t!
The next big NIP test was when we went to a restaurant for dinner. My baby girl wanted to eat and I didn’t feel like going to sit in the bathroom or any other place, so I unstrapped my nursing bra and hooked her up. No one paid us any attention. She happily ate and was done and anyone that walked by didn’t give a second look , sideways glance or mummur a comment. To all others, it just looked as if she was trying to go to sleep! Even my preteen son didn’t know what was going on.
I also nursed in front of family (mostly my mom and sister). I still used my regular technique of being sure that i wore a shirt that would cover over my breast while she ate. If my male family members were around, I would go into another room and kind of tell someone, so no one barged in on me. I did the same while among close friends. If the guys were around I would go to a quiet empty room.. It helped me relax and get a break from it all and also limited distractions for my daughter to just concentrate on eating. One time while nursing the man of the house came in the quiet, empty room to get something and talked so much to me. He didn’t even notice i was nursing, until we were finished and he apologized but no harm was done because he didn’t see anything, but I guess he felt bad ’cause he hadn’t noticed.
Good luck and let us know how you make out.. The more you do it, the more comfortable you’ll feel.. Your baby’s got to eat…
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Yes, I feed in front of anyone, with an udder cover. You must also understand that if anyone besides my husband were to even say the word “boobs” to me (..well, mostly male or older women) i would turn into a tomato– i am a PRUDE. But a baby’s gotta eat & going into the bathroom WITH a cover to me just says there is something shameful about it. Personally i’d rather be slightly uncomfortable myself but be a part of normalizing it than the reverse.
My 17 year old brother is the only one who has said anything about it, when I was nursing at my mom’s house while his friends were over. He was like “EWW, I HAVE FRIENDS OVER!” and my very mature big sister response was AWWW BOO HOO, OH NO, BOOBS ARE SO GROSS *rubs eyes*
I figure, if Mr. Rogers can show naked boob & nipple while showing breastfeeding on children’s PBS programming… eff everyone who things it’s gross. Mr. Rogers seal of approval > everyone elses. Hehe.
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I’m late to the party, but I read this on my phone days ago and have been meaning to comment. This made me think of a post I wrote when I was freshly pregnant with my 2nd boy. http://thefeministbreeder.com/gearing-up-for-nursing-in-public/
I barely breastfed my first son, and I quit for a number of reasons, but one of the biggest reasons was that I tried to nurse him sitting on a Best Buy toilet one day, and being relegated to the stinky bathroom made me FUMING mad. I didn’t want to be stuck somewhere just cause my baby needed to eat, but I just couldn’t work up the courage to do it in public at that time. But the next time I got pregnant I VOWED that I’d nurse in public, and do so proudly. (Once I made the switch to formula with my first son, I missed breastfeeding like crazy, so I knew I wanted to make breastfeeding work the second time.)
Now, a couple years later, I will breastfeed anytime, anywhere, with anyone in the room, with no cover at all, and not think twice about it. But it didn’t happen overnight — it took some growing into. So, here are My two pieces of advice:
1. Hooter Hiders (or whatever brand you have) are, to me, FAR more distracting and obvious than just pulling up your shirt and latching him on. Those things scream “Hey, Hey, look! I’m Breastfeeding! And I’m kinda embarrassed about it! And I kinda think I shouldn’t be doing this in front of people! So feel free to stare!” Also, if I were a baby, I wouldn’t want to be trapped under one.
2. Just jump in, nurse whereever/whenever, stop caring what anybody says, and pretty soon you’ll forget you were ever nervous about it. There is nothing wrong with breastfeeding your baby, and if anybody else has a problem with it, then that’s THEIR problem. There is no reason to haul you and your baby to some other room (especially in your own home! Jeez!) just to satisfy someone else’s ignorance. Sure, my family USED to make comments about it, but they don’t anymore! Everyone is accustomed to it now. And if they DO make a comment, I just look them dead in the eye and remind them of how unhealthy our whole family is, and how what I’m doing for my baby is giving him the best start. How can a person argue with that?
I totally remember being where you are. But I think you can cast the fear aside and go for it. I think it makes the whole breastfeeding relationship better in the end as well.
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I was so nervous when I first started NIP. I made my debut at my mom’s house, at first I went into another room, where it was super quiet…then as everyone got more used to it I would nurse in the living room with a receiving blanket tossed over my shoulder. I never used a nursing cover…just the blanket.
Our first time out of the house, I used a fitting room at the mall, and again, as my confidence grew, I could duck behind my hubby to get him latched, then we could go on about our day.
Practice, Practice, Practice…you will gain confidence!
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You need to try a buckle-tai carrier! Like http://www.bebebreeze.com/boutique
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Superb site, would love to see a bit more content though! Then again my puppet site hasn’t much either — Great post anyway, added your RSS feed! Cheers
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You nailed it. Good writing, folks this writer is on the ball.
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